This and That Friday

I have been vacant this week, but for good reasons, nothing bad.

DH was out of town for work and I had a friend come visit me to keep me company, keep me sane, and (to be honest) help me the heck out.  The days of DH being gone and me just "handling it" are o-v-e-r.  I'm too big, too tired, and too big and tired to go it alone.

So, my wonderful friend K, came all the way from Y-town, Ohio to spend a few days, share a bunch of laughs, and make a freezer full of meals to keep us going on days when it's all just too much.  This is incredibly kind of her, as she works a job where when she does not work, she does not get paid.  Also, she is struggling with IF herself, and will be going down the path of donor eggs starting this summer. I know it was not easy for her to be here, but we talked a lot about it and she knows I am there for her no matter what. She, in turn, is there for me - no matter what.  Our friendship is one of my longest and dearest.

I did go to the OB on Monday, all is well and next visit is my glucose test - blech.

I also saw my specialist for my monthly u/s and the boys are growing great. Almost two pounds each! Back for another u/s in four weeks with him.

Also, I am STILL participating in Scrambled Eggs' March photo challenge. You would be surprised how excited I am to capture each day's photo when you compare it with how much I loathe uploading pictures. I have a post with all pics forthcoming!!

Signing off, I had my maternity pictures done last week and although the proofs will not be ready for another week, my photographer posted a "teaser" photo on her blog and I thought I would share it. For anyone who wants to see it, just click this link!

Back in Bed

I started bleeding again last night and it was heavy. By the time I went to bed, I was passing small clots.  I wasn't in any pain, nor was I contracting, but it was the worst it's been. I called first thing this morning and went in for an u/s.

The placenta is moving on up, as it should.  It is definitely correcting itself.  The bleeding is just a nasty side effect of it all.

My cervix is great.  Long and closed - over 4 cm! 

Baby boys are looking good, too.  Little faces looking at each other with little hands up to their faces like they were sharing secrets. Very sweet.

I am on bedrest until my followup on Monday.  I hope everything looks good then. DH will be on a plane to Houston that morning and the boys and I will be on our own for a few days.

An Update In Bullets

I've been negligent in my updates and I apologize. The past 18 days have been crazy.  We are all okay, though. Just want to make that clear first, so you're not worried.

* We spent about five days on bedrest.  It was hard and I made that obvious in my last post. I wasn't a good sport, but nobody was really happy those five days, so I was in good company.

* On Monday, January 16, I had an OB appt and spoke with him about my condition and his decision to put me on bedrest.  I had not spotted or bled in five days and I asked him if he would be okay with me resuming light activity, barring housecleaning, grocery shopping, sex, etc.  He agreed to it and I promised to get lots and lots of rest.  Yay for light activity!!

*On Thursday, January 19, I had my level ll u/s with my MFM specialist.  Both boys look good, are growing right on track, and are definitely boys!  Baby A has a calcium spot on his heart.  This isn't a cause for concern, according to my MFM doctor.  He sees it a lot in perfectly healthy babies. It won't get any bigger, he won't develop any more spots and it may even disappear before birth.  It does not cause heart defects and will not create murmurs.  It is a weak marker for Down's syndrome, but all other stronger markers were negative. I was offered an amnio, but it was not recommended, so I declined. I have faith that he is okay. It was also discovered that my placenta had already began to move away from my cervix, but was still considered low-lying.  All in all, a great report!!

* On Friday, January 20th, we moved into our new house.  I was on my feet a lot, but did okay - basically just acting as overseer. My sister flew in from Colorado and was there to help get us settled in.  My mom came in the next day from West Virginia and I was so happy to have them here keeping me sane and laughing!

* The last week has been a little crazy.  We've had workers in the house gutting and remodeling an upstairs bathroom as well as other small projects that we felt were necessary to make the house feel more like "home".  They should be finishing up on Tuesday and I'm looking forward to seeing them go!!  The changes are really lovely, though.  I'll try to do some before and after pics!

* Last Wednesday, I turned 31.  That's all I have to say about that.

*I started bleeding again last night. Today, I am on self-imposed bedrest.  It was pretty heavy, but is back to brown. I have to keep reminding myself that as the placenta is being pulled upwards, I will experience this and try not to be too worried. I always have the option of seeing my OB if I need the peace of mind. I also have my doppler and it helps to listen to their heartbeats.

* We are 20 weeks along today!! 28 more days to viability!!!

Bed Rest

A bad bleed last night.

A call to my doc.  His suggestion to come in this morning and rest as much as I could with my feet up in the meantime.

Another bad bleed at 5 am.

An ultrasound at 8:45 this morning.

Two baby boys with heartbeats flickering.

One placenta over my cervix.

Get up only to go to the bathroom. Get up only to take one shower a day.

Bed rest.

NT Scan Perfection, A Gender, A Name and A Belly Pic

We had our NT scan on Thursday and at 13w4d, I was on the cusp of being too far along to perform the ultrasound and get accurate measurements.  I was excited to get to see the babes again and even more excited to get an abdominal ultrasound as opposed to a wanding.

The tech who performed the ultrasound took her time with measuring everything and DH and I were just so excited to see the babies looking so much like babies!  They were moving much more fluidly than last time and one was even rubbing their little face with their hands.  Eeek, I can't wait to be the one rubbing those little cheeks and kissing them!  As a tech, she wouldn't say anything about gender, which was disappointing and I made a mental note to ask the doctor if he would. I caught a glimpse of each NT measurement and both were well under the 3mm mark (1.8 and 2.1, I believe.)  We waited a bit for the doctor to come in and he went about going over all the tech's measurements albeit a little more quickly than the tech.  He explained the risks of a multiple pregnancy, told me I had my age and physical fitness on my side for carrying these babies to term, my cervix was 4.72 cm, which was great and overall just made me feel very capable of this pregnancy, which was appreciated.  I asked him if he could tell what sex the babies were and he said he wouldn't guess unless he got a good look. Baby A wasn't cooperating at all, but Baby B wasn't shy and looks like a ___!  Overall, it was a great appointment and I am thankful that the babes are growing on track and looking good with no markers for any issues thus far.  Here's some pics of the babes from the scan:

Baby A (the shy one):

 Baby B (not the shy one):

We have already decided on a name for Baby B and we will be sharing its sex and name as soon as we find out what sex Baby A is.  Our gender ultrasound is on January 5!  Stay tuned!

And last, but not least, a belly pic, me and the littles at 13w6d:

Safe Holidays to all - we are leaving for WV tomorrow and will return on 1/2.  I may try to do a post  from home, but it's going to be crazy busy, so no promises. :)

Graduation and Eye Wandings

My RE's office called on Monday and asked to move this morning's u/s to tomorrow because he had to do three retrievals this morning (apparently the infertility business in BOOMING).  I couldn't do tomorrow because my FIL is coming to visit, so they ended up rescheduling my appt for yesterday afternoon.  My symptoms had taken a dramatic turn for the better, which had me freaking out, so I was actually happy to see the littles sooner even though DH couldn't make it because of meetings all afternoon.

The wanding began and I made my RE aware of my fears over my symptoms before we started. He said that symptoms are not a hard and fast rule of pregnancy. Regardless, I looked away from the screen as I was in no mood to see shrunken sacs and babies with no heartbeats with my own eyes. (How effed up am I from my m/c still?)  Anyway, he immediately told me to look at the screen as he saw Baby A had a heartbeat and went about his measurements.  She measured 8w2d (right on track) and had a good strong heartbeat of 161 bpm.  We listend to the heartbeat and then he held the wand on her for just a moment longer and told me to lay real still and watch closely.  After about three or four seconds, she did a little wiggle!!  It was so sweet, I got very teary-eyed.

Onto Baby B who is just a little bit further away from the wand and a titch harder to get a good view of.  Measuring also at 8w2d, this one had a heartbeat of 170 bpm.  A few more moments of looking around and a handful of pictures later, my wanding was over. :(  I won't see the babes for another 2 weeks, but when I do.......

It will be my first OB appt!!!!! I am a graduation girl!! How cool is that?!

Onto the eye wanding portion of the visit (and let me just say that this mortifies me, but at the same time, it is just too funny and if you can't laugh at yourself, well, you need to cause life is too short to take yourself seriously).

I spoke with Dr. Awesome RE's nurse for a few minutes after he left the room and when she left, I jumped off the table to go into this little closet area they have to change back into my clothes. I dropped my paper skirt on the ground when I jumped off the table and when I bent over to pick it up, wouldn't you know that I lined my fricking eye up to the u/s wand that was back on its holder and wanded my EYE?! Beside the initial "Ouch! Oh my god, my eye!!" reaction, I also had the "Are you freaking kidding me?! That thing has been inside every infertile in the Oklahoma City area!! Gross!!!" thought.  I was completely alone, but was so embarrassed.  I guess it was a good thing that DH couldn't make the appt.  I still haven't told him. I have no plans to do so, either.

Lesson learned: Never a dull moment at the RE's, people.

MIA

Apologies for my late update on u/s #3.  DH has been out of town all week and my m/s has amped up big time. The last two days have been particularly bad as I have been sick all day and my eating small meals often hasn't helped as much as it did in the past. I am by no means complaining, just sharing. The gags are the worst part of it all. I really feel that if I can get a good hurl in, I would be a new person, but alas! I cannot spew.

My u/s on Wednesday was great. Baby A - Larry, measured right on track at 7w3d and had a heartrate of 137 bpm.  For your viewing pleasure:

Baby B - Balki, measured at 7w3d also and had a heartrate of 140bpm:

And the shot I had to life my ass up off the table for my RE to get (thanks to my introverted uterus!):

                                          My Babies!!

Next u/s is this coming Wednesday where I will be 8w3d.  If all looks good, I will graduate to my OB. :)

Cheaters Never Win, Eh?

So, that's how the saying goes, but I disagree.

I went in for another ultrasound today.

Baby A, who we'll call "Larry" measured 6w3d and had a heart rate of 124 beats per minute.


Baby B, or "Balki" measured 6w2d and also had a heart rate of 124 beats per minute.


EDD is June 17.

So, I cheated to see my babies. Again.

Winning!!

U/s and E2 - Take Two!!

This morning's wanding was bright and early at 8:15.  I had seven follicles in my right ovary, ranging from 13.7 to 19.7.  My left only had two this time.  Both around 14.  I was disappointed, but they just called with my E2 and we are at 1456!! This time last cycle, I had more eggs (about 12, but my estrogen was only 915). It would seem that I have some better quality eggs this time around.

Thank you wheatgrass shots!

Next u/s and E2 is at 9:45 in the morning. It looks like I will trigger tomorrow night and ER will be Sunday!!

Holy smokes.

U/S and E2 -Take One!

Yesterday I had my first "follie check" and blood draw for estrogen level.  During my wanding, Dr. Awesome RE and I talked football.  I think that maybe a few years ago, I would feel it weird to talk football while being wanded by a middle-aged male, but I digress.  Things have changed, apparently.

During my wanding, I was told that I'm responding "well" and "quickly".  I had seven follicles in my right ovary measuring 9.8 to 12.4.  My left one came in at a disappointing three follicles, 7.0 to 11.2.  My lining was right on track at 6.7.  My E2 was over 600.  I was told to do only half a dose of my Menopur last night and resume the normal dose tonight.  During IVF #1, my first E2 was 370. I am responding extremely fast, in my opinion. ER is looking more like Sunday than Monday. 

Next u/s and E2 tomorrow morning. I'm hoping to see a little more action in my left ovary, but as DH said, quality over quantity.

I heart him.

Suppressed

Today was my suppression check. Dr. Awesome RE was awesome as usual.  My ovaries are nice and quiet. My left one is currently housing 12 follicles. My right is housing 10.  All my levels are good and low.  I start Follistim and Menopur on Saturday. Stay the course with my Lupron.  First follie check will be Tuesday at 8:30.  Then another one on Thursday. Then again on Saturday.  ER is looking like Monday the 26th. 


Wow. This is really happening again.

And quick.

If it Weren't for Bad News, There Would be No News

Warning: I curse at the end of this post. Offended? Don't read.

Last night, I ran a fever.  Out of concern, I called the RE's office and let them know. Of course, they wanted me to come in so they could take a look.  The good news? RE thinks that the fever is viral and that it would pass within a day or two.

Bad news:  Fetal heart rate was down to 97. Monday it was 103.  RE is "concerned".  Says time will tell and we will recheck on Monday.  He also marked my check-out sheet "high risk pregnancy" for the first time ever and I found the reason why on Dr. Google.

http://radiology.rsna.org/content/236/2/643.full

Don't feel like reading it? Here is the gist.  In 300 pregnancies where a low embryonic heart rate was found at 6-7 weeks (low = 100 bpm or less at 6.3 - 7.0 weeks), 188 or 60.6% ended before the first trimester was over.  Many ended within a week.  (As in, go back for recheck and find out that fetal cardiac activity had ceased.)

I fall into this category. Yay! Can't wait to go in on Monday and see whether or not my baby died. And the best part? Even if the heart rate recovers, my chances of "first trimester demise" are still 25% higher than most pregnancies.

Fuck you IVF. Fuck the last 3 months of my life and all the hope I had that this bullshit would work, too.

Miscalculated LMP and the Discovery of "The Source"

If you are uber observant, then perhaps you noticed that my pregnancy ticker has been adjusted. (Just so you know, I don't really expect any of you to have noticed that, but it has been adjusted so I thought I'd share why.)  I went in for my U/S this morning and noticed that they have my LMP (last menstrual period) as 3/3/11.  I thought it was 2/28/11 since my babies were conceived on 3/14/11. Silly me just assumed that the kiddos were created on the "Day 14" of my cycle and apparently, they were fertilized on "Day 11".  No worries, I'm just not 7 weeks pregnant today, I am 6 weeks, 4 days. Due date is 12/8/11. (That seems really far away, doesn't it?)

Baby is measuring one day behind and I was told not to worry about that discrepancy.  One day does not matter, but three or four days would, so I am choosing not to worry about this.  Heart rate was 103 and I was told that for a 6 week, 4 day old fetus, that is perfectly within normal range. At about 8 weeks, the heart rate will jump up to the 120-160 range.  I am also okay with this.  Baby is measuring .60 cm. Last Tuesday, baby was .20 cm and when converted to mm, baby grew from 2 mm to 6 mm which is also good.  Dr. Awesome RE also found what he believes to be the cause of the bleeding - a hematoma near the baby that is very small (hopefully all bled out!).  I am really pleased to have found a cause. All this unexplained bleeding was not sitting right with me.  There has to be a reason, right?! 

I am to come back in one week for another U/S. I am hoping that I can be released to an OB at that point.  I just need one week of no drama!!  RE recommended continued limited activity including lots of rest, no sex, no hot baths, no hot tubs or saunas, etc.

All in all, a great report! :)

The Dreaded Red and True Love

Today has been "interesting".  What started as any other Tuesday got very scary and then turned out happy.  I find myself feeling tired from this roller coaster and wondering what is in store.

At around 12:30, I was sitting at the computer and my low back was aching. It's been hurting since yesterday, but it was giving me some pretty strong tweaks.  I also noticed that I was feeling crampy. I went to the bathroom to pee and there it was - blood in my underwear. I peed, wiped (more blood), and when I went to flush, the water was bright pink. I thought this was over. Apparently, I was wrong. I couldn't help it. I started to cry. I started to shake. I started to panic.

I tried reaching DH a few times and didn't have any luck.  I called Dr. Awesome RE's office and was instructed to come in for an ultrasound. I then called an older lady from my church who knows about our situation and she came over and drove me. I thank God for putting people in my life that I can call for help when I need it.  I finally reached DH and he agreed to meet me at the office. He asked that I wait for him to do the ultrasound.  I asked him to please hurry as I didn't want to sit waiting there for any longer than absolutely necessary.

DH arrived 15 minutes after I got there with a sprained ankle. Apparently, he was working out at lunch and that's why I couldn't reach him. When he finally got back to me and got the news, he took off running to his car and twisted his ankle. Dr. Awesome RE's nurse was nice enough to get him a bag of ice. We were ready for Captain Condom Wand.  I took a deep breath, grabbed DH's hand in a death grip and looked away. I was too afraid to naively look wide-eyed at the screen.  A few seconds later, Dr. Awesome RE told me to look at the screen.

One gestational sac, measuring right on track. One yolk sac. One perfect little baby with a fluttering heart.  Every single up and down and sleepless night and bad dream and breakdown melted away in that instant.

We are in love.

And I am on bedrest. For at least until my next ultrasound.

"Can we make an omelette with that egg?"

This is what DH asked my RE today when we went in for the midcycle u/s this morning.  Yes, it's true. I've got a pretty nice follie on the left side! Just one, but I was told that one is enough. It measured 20.1mm and everything else looks great. My lining is a little on the thin side, but well within normal range. Ovulation isn't expected for a few days yet, so Dr. R says that all will be fine in that department when I do "O".

I had mixed emotions about today's visit.  Part of me wanted to see two follies. I wanted to super-ovulate. I know it sounds crazy, but had there been two, I would have felt better about A) my chances in conceiving this cycle and B) that my body was working on its own.  Now I question both.  Will this be the month? Was I even ovulating before the Femara?  It's difficult not to get all down in the dumps and second guess every little detail. I probably asked Dr. R eleventy times if he was happy with everything and felt that all was up to his expectations. Eleventy times back, he gave me a big smile and the "thumbs up."  Now it's up to us, I guess.

He still would like for me to come in on Friday for a post-coital exam. I'm probably going to go, but I don't know how to feel about it. I've read lots of forums where people are saying that theirs came back bad, but they ended up getting pregnant that very cycle. Some people get great reports from it, but have yet to get their bfp.  A lot of doctors don't place much value on them, where others do. AGH!! What to think? What to think?  If it comes back bad, I'm probably going to go off the deep end, for real.  My mind will say, "One egg?  Hostile CM?  Good luck with that one, loser!"      *Big sigh*

To answer Josh's question about the omelette, Dr. R just laughed and said, "Absolutely. Make a baby omelette with that thing."

Here's hoping!!!