Wow, first and foremost thank you all so much for the kind thoughts and prayers for me and my boys. Emily and Unaffected, I appreciate all the troops you rallied up to support me. I don't know what else to say, but thanks!
I really wanted to update sooner, but have been resting and catching up on my eating today. Yesterday was very long and scary. All I ate was cereal at breakfast, so today I've been feeding these babies, who are happily still growing in my "ute" (as Emily would say)!
Okay, so yesterday morning, I woke up feeling like crap. The night before, we had gone to an NBA game and we didn't get in until late. I had to get up early with my DSs and get them ready for school. I attributed the late night before to my low backache and on and off cramping. I sat for most of the morning and drank water, hoping they would subside. In a two hour time period, I timed 21 contractions. All with accompanying low back pain. I knew I had to call my doc. On my way to the phone, I stopped in the bathroom to pee. When I wiped, there was a big bloody glob of mucous on the tp (sorry for the TMI). I wiped again and there was blood. I stayed calm, but pretty much decided then and there that I was in labor. I've never had back labor before, but I thought maybe that's what was going on. I called my OB and they told me to go straight to labor and delivery.
When I got there, I got hooked up and was contracting about 5 minutes apart. The babies looked great. Strong heartbeats (132 &150) but we had to get the contractions stopped and quickly. My doc didn't want to stir anything up by checking my cervix manually, so they brought an u/s machine in and measured it/looked at it abdominally. Long and closed, thank god!
They didn't want to jump straight to mag sulfate, so they gave me a shot in the back of my arm (some sort of muscle relaxer) to calm my uterus. It didn't work. Just made me shaky and hyper and my heart race. An hour later, I was begging for the mag, anything to stop the contractions and keep my babies safe. The gave me a shot of dem.erol and phener.gan. I was still in pain and contracting regularly, but was loopy and cared less about the pain, the medicine was just making me foggy and out of touch with reality. It was awful. I hated not feeling like I was in control, not feeling like I could advocate for myself and my babies like I should have been able to.
During that time, they tested my urine and saw that it contained elevated white cells. Couple that with the back pain and they decided the pain was coming from the kidneys, not back labor. They did an u/s on my kidneys and it came back negative. I was so frustrated thinking that we were back to square one and I was in labor. My doc disagreed, though. He said that a lot of times, in the early stages or with small stones, they aren't easily detected on an u/s. Sometimes, you have to take the "wait and see" approach. He ordered another shot of dem.erol and phener.gan and this one knocked me out. For like three hours. When I woke up, I had an IV in my left arm and was already on my second bag of fluids. DH informed me that the contractions had pretty much stopped and that I was only having maybe one or two an hour. I had to pee, but they made me go in a strainer to see if I passed anything. I didn't, but it was painful and only came out in a small stream. Ouch.
They decided that the contractions were just my uterus reacting to me being in pain from my kidneys. Once we got the pain under control, the contractions stopped. My doc said the ONLY reason my cervix stayed nice and closed was because Baby A was no longer head down, but had flipped transverse and was pretty high up. (Good boy, babe!!) Had he been head down, I would have been effacing and dilating. We were so relieved to get this news!
They traced heartbeats and contractions for another hour and then I was allowed to go home. I got a third dose of pain meds/anti-nausea and came home and passed out. I have to pee in a strainer to see if I pass anything. If I do pass something, they want me to bring it in and have it tested to see what it is I need to stay away from the rest of the pregnancy, food-wise.
Today, I am just trying to stay on top of the pain and rest. It is uncomfortable to pee, so I'm hoping I will pass something soon.
As for the mucous plug, I took it to the hospital with me in a zip.loc bag and my doc said it was a good thing I came in when I did. He thinks that the plug will replenish itself. We just need to keep a close eye on my cervix at all my appts from here on out.
Well, that was a book. Sorry to keep you all waiting for an update. So thankful that these babies are still with me and baking!!
Thanks again for all the blog love! And to my new followers, I will follow you back!
Showing posts with label meds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meds. Show all posts
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Thursday, December 1, 2011
You Gotta Pick and Choose Your Battles
So, I spent most of Monday evening just being generally annoyed that my OB never got back to me about my request for Zo.fran. I went to bed nauseous, woke up nauseous and all morning Tuesday plotting how I would chew the nurses out for not getting back to me. Thankful for common sense, I called the pharmacy just to make sure that there wasn't a prescription waiting for me. Well, there was. Since the day before. Oops.
I rushed off to pick it up and just couldn't wait to gobble it up and start feeling semi-human again. I took my first dose immediately and six hours later, like clockwork, I took my second. I was feeling great. Until I wasn't feeling great. At all.
I woke up at 11:30 Tuesday night with a splitting headache. Like full-on migraine pain. After I rolled back and forth on the bed holding my face in my hands for a good hour, I got up and staggered to the kitchen for a cup of tea. I figured a little caffeine would probably do the trick. Wrong. Three hours later, I was plotting driving myself to the ER. You see, typically, when I have a migraine, at some point I puke. That signals a turning point in the headache. After puking, I always am able to go to sleep and when I wake up, I'm better. Well, there would be no puking this time. You see, I was on Zo.fran and couldn't throw up. I wasn't even nauseated. Just had severe head/neck pain. Anyway, at some point, I fell asleep.
I woke up to my DH saying goodbye as he was heading off to work and wondering why I was sleeping with a "towel on my face" (it was a washcloth). He was completely unawares of the night I had. When he left, I got up and went out to the kitchen, feeling a little better and eager to eat a little something even though my nausea was sneaking up on me again. After I gagged down a piece of toast, I reached for my Zo.fran. Before I could take the pill, I checked out the side of the bottle and there it was. Plain. As. Day.
"May Cause Headaches"
Well, eff that.
I rushed off to pick it up and just couldn't wait to gobble it up and start feeling semi-human again. I took my first dose immediately and six hours later, like clockwork, I took my second. I was feeling great. Until I wasn't feeling great. At all.
I woke up at 11:30 Tuesday night with a splitting headache. Like full-on migraine pain. After I rolled back and forth on the bed holding my face in my hands for a good hour, I got up and staggered to the kitchen for a cup of tea. I figured a little caffeine would probably do the trick. Wrong. Three hours later, I was plotting driving myself to the ER. You see, typically, when I have a migraine, at some point I puke. That signals a turning point in the headache. After puking, I always am able to go to sleep and when I wake up, I'm better. Well, there would be no puking this time. You see, I was on Zo.fran and couldn't throw up. I wasn't even nauseated. Just had severe head/neck pain. Anyway, at some point, I fell asleep.
I woke up to my DH saying goodbye as he was heading off to work and wondering why I was sleeping with a "towel on my face" (it was a washcloth). He was completely unawares of the night I had. When he left, I got up and went out to the kitchen, feeling a little better and eager to eat a little something even though my nausea was sneaking up on me again. After I gagged down a piece of toast, I reached for my Zo.fran. Before I could take the pill, I checked out the side of the bottle and there it was. Plain. As. Day.
"May Cause Headaches"
Well, eff that.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Suppressed
Today was my suppression check. Dr. Awesome RE was awesome as usual. My ovaries are nice and quiet. My left one is currently housing 12 follicles. My right is housing 10. All my levels are good and low. I start Follistim and Menopur on Saturday. Stay the course with my Lupron. First follie check will be Tuesday at 8:30. Then another one on Thursday. Then again on Saturday. ER is looking like Monday the 26th.
Wow. This is really happening again.
And quick.
Wow. This is really happening again.
And quick.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Of Not Blogging, Traveling, and IVF #2
I am not dead.
I've been more than neglectful of my blogging. And I have a secret. I haven't missed it.
I know that must sound terrible. This blog and your support meant the world to me during IVF #1. When everything went to hell, it hurt to keep coming back to this place. This place where I had hope. This place where my dreams were crushed. This place that changed for me after April 25th.
So, I attempted to move blogs and start fresh. But it wasn't enough. I needed a break. I left Oklahoma. I went to the mountains of West Virginia. I took a trip to Hawaii. I spent time with my friends and my family. I took a trip to San Diego. And here I am...
Four days into Lupron shots for IVF #2. I can't believe I am here again. I should be 26 weeks pregnant. But I am not. I'm back here. But am I really back?
I don't know how to answer that...
We'll see.
I've been more than neglectful of my blogging. And I have a secret. I haven't missed it.
I know that must sound terrible. This blog and your support meant the world to me during IVF #1. When everything went to hell, it hurt to keep coming back to this place. This place where I had hope. This place where my dreams were crushed. This place that changed for me after April 25th.
So, I attempted to move blogs and start fresh. But it wasn't enough. I needed a break. I left Oklahoma. I went to the mountains of West Virginia. I took a trip to Hawaii. I spent time with my friends and my family. I took a trip to San Diego. And here I am...
Four days into Lupron shots for IVF #2. I can't believe I am here again. I should be 26 weeks pregnant. But I am not. I'm back here. But am I really back?
I don't know how to answer that...
We'll see.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Follie Check Tres and OhhhEmmmGeee
This morning was my third and final follie check! Bright and early, I dragged my ovaries to the appointment. They are so heavy and full. Blood draw same as usual. U/s - not so usual. We lubed up the dildo cam and took a look at the right ovary. Dr. Awesome RE said he was happy with anything over a "10" and he measured around 7 follies all 13mm and above. He moved over to the left ovary and the first words out of his mouth were, "You need to come in Monday for retrieval." On the screen were 3 huge black circles. These suckers measured 23mm plus (averaged down to 20mm or so)! No wonder I'm feeling so full and uncomfortable! Yikes! He wasn't concerned, but the change in schedule concerned me. I'm a planner and I had previously been planning on a Monday retrieval. When my appointments started this week, however, they kept saying it wouldn't be until Tuesday, so I planned for Tuesday. Now it's back to Monday and I feel so ill-prepared!! I was going to cook all day Monday and get some last minute errands ran and whatnot. So much for that, right?!
A few hours ago, Awesome nurse Karen called to say that my estrogen was 2176. TWENTY ONE SEVENTY SIX!!!! Holy hormones, batman! This is where they want it to be, but I'm sure DH would like it much, MUCH lower. :)
So, tonight at eight o'clock sharp, I will trigger with the Ovidrel. Tomorrow, I get to take one blissful day off from shots. Hallelujah.
Of course, Monday will welcome the start of the really fun shots. Progesterone in oil. Right in the a$$. Can't wait.
A few hours ago, Awesome nurse Karen called to say that my estrogen was 2176. TWENTY ONE SEVENTY SIX!!!! Holy hormones, batman! This is where they want it to be, but I'm sure DH would like it much, MUCH lower. :)
So, tonight at eight o'clock sharp, I will trigger with the Ovidrel. Tomorrow, I get to take one blissful day off from shots. Hallelujah.
Of course, Monday will welcome the start of the really fun shots. Progesterone in oil. Right in the a$$. Can't wait.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Follie Check Numero Dos
Happy Friday and can I get a "Thank Jeebus, this week of stimming is coming to an end?!!" Holy ovaries! I've been handling things well (for the most part) but these emotions and these ovaries are heavy and intense.
Yesterday, I had a follie check. Twelve follicles measuring 8.5 to 15.8. Dr. Awesome RE was giddy with excitement over it all. All of it. My lady parts are "gorgeous" and everything is going "perfectly". Twice, I caught DH rolling his eyes, but I think he's just jealous that nobody is up in his manhood using such terms. In reality, I just think that my RE has a lot of ladies who don't respond well to the meds and maybe that's why he is so excited over it all. My lining was 10 and that's a great thing, too. They called a few hours laer to say to stay the same course with my Menopur (1mL to two vials of powder = 150mL dosing) and that my estrogen was 915.
Let us briefly review. Nine days ago, my estrogen was 38. Six days later, it was 358. Forty eight hours later, it was 915. To me, that makes laying on the floor of my closet and bawling last night perfectly legit. Dr. Awesome RE confirmed with DH that me being emotional is a perfectly normal response to all these hormones coursing through my veins. Again, DH rolls his eyes. I think he'd rather think I was crazy, which would make his less than warm response to my antics justifiable. But I digress. He thinks, I feel. I'm yin, he's yang. I say tomay - toe, he says tomah - toe. And so on and so on.
Last follie check bright and early tomorrow morning! Will update after!
Yesterday, I had a follie check. Twelve follicles measuring 8.5 to 15.8. Dr. Awesome RE was giddy with excitement over it all. All of it. My lady parts are "gorgeous" and everything is going "perfectly". Twice, I caught DH rolling his eyes, but I think he's just jealous that nobody is up in his manhood using such terms. In reality, I just think that my RE has a lot of ladies who don't respond well to the meds and maybe that's why he is so excited over it all. My lining was 10 and that's a great thing, too. They called a few hours laer to say to stay the same course with my Menopur (1mL to two vials of powder = 150mL dosing) and that my estrogen was 915.
Let us briefly review. Nine days ago, my estrogen was 38. Six days later, it was 358. Forty eight hours later, it was 915. To me, that makes laying on the floor of my closet and bawling last night perfectly legit. Dr. Awesome RE confirmed with DH that me being emotional is a perfectly normal response to all these hormones coursing through my veins. Again, DH rolls his eyes. I think he'd rather think I was crazy, which would make his less than warm response to my antics justifiable. But I digress. He thinks, I feel. I'm yin, he's yang. I say tomay - toe, he says tomah - toe. And so on and so on.
Last follie check bright and early tomorrow morning! Will update after!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Follie Check Numero Uno
Happy Tuesday! I'm back from Florida and burnt to a crisp. I like it. I like it a lot. Happy to be back home and have so many exciting things coming up! Gonna be PUPO in a little over a week. It's crazy - all this waiting and then everything happens so quickly!
I had my first follie check this morning and according to Dr. Awesome RE, I am responding perfectly. I have 14 measurable follies. Eight in right and 6 in my left. They range from 6.2mm to 10.8mm. I am waiting to hear the results of my E2 to see if I need to change up my dosage on my medicines. So far, stimming has been okay. My belly looks like a pin cushion and I have this lovely Lupron bruise to contend with (i.e. try to inject around):
Follistim is very gentle. Menopur burns. I'm as hormonal as ever. Lucky DH. This morning I asked him if he had remembered to request off work for Monday. (My ER is scheduled for that day.) He responds with, "For what?" Needless to say, my head spun three times and pea soup went flying. Really? You can't remember what's going on next week? I can see if it were just a procedure how it might slip his mind, but OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE CONCEIVED THAT DAY. Please remember if only for that reason.
Am I crazy to get upset over that?
If your answer is yes, please don't answer.
I had my first follie check this morning and according to Dr. Awesome RE, I am responding perfectly. I have 14 measurable follies. Eight in right and 6 in my left. They range from 6.2mm to 10.8mm. I am waiting to hear the results of my E2 to see if I need to change up my dosage on my medicines. So far, stimming has been okay. My belly looks like a pin cushion and I have this lovely Lupron bruise to contend with (i.e. try to inject around):
Follistim is very gentle. Menopur burns. I'm as hormonal as ever. Lucky DH. This morning I asked him if he had remembered to request off work for Monday. (My ER is scheduled for that day.) He responds with, "For what?" Needless to say, my head spun three times and pea soup went flying. Really? You can't remember what's going on next week? I can see if it were just a procedure how it might slip his mind, but OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE CONCEIVED THAT DAY. Please remember if only for that reason.
Am I crazy to get upset over that?
If your answer is yes, please don't answer.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I Am Still Alive
After not posting for over a week, I want to let you all know that I am alive and well. I was a terrible ICLWer and am so ashamed of my shoddy performance when it came to commenting and responding back to my commentors blogs. *hangs head in shame*
I went back east this past Saturday through Tuesday and lent some support to my friend whose dad is dying. He is still hanging on and is getting moved to Hospice tomorrow. For his sake, I pray he goes quickly. The man has fought hard for two years. He deserves some peace. The whole trip has left me feeling a little disconnected from my IVF cycle. I am still trucking through my Lupron and my Lupron induced AF showed on Sunday (Yikes! Holy bleed-a-thon!) but I feel so distracted at this point in the game, I find myself thinking about cancer and caskets instead of nursery colors and baby names. Talk about a 180, huh?
Yesterday, I had my suppression check and everything is great. My lining was thin (really doc, I've been bleeding like a stuck hog for days, I kinda knew that already), ovaries are looking good with no cysts, and my estrogen is 38 (anything below 50 is good). I am officially suppressed. Which means only one thing:
Follistim and Menopur, here I come!!!!!!
I went back east this past Saturday through Tuesday and lent some support to my friend whose dad is dying. He is still hanging on and is getting moved to Hospice tomorrow. For his sake, I pray he goes quickly. The man has fought hard for two years. He deserves some peace. The whole trip has left me feeling a little disconnected from my IVF cycle. I am still trucking through my Lupron and my Lupron induced AF showed on Sunday (Yikes! Holy bleed-a-thon!) but I feel so distracted at this point in the game, I find myself thinking about cancer and caskets instead of nursery colors and baby names. Talk about a 180, huh?
Yesterday, I had my suppression check and everything is great. My lining was thin (really doc, I've been bleeding like a stuck hog for days, I kinda knew that already), ovaries are looking good with no cysts, and my estrogen is 38 (anything below 50 is good). I am officially suppressed. Which means only one thing:
Follistim and Menopur, here I come!!!!!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Welcome ICLWers and Second Thoughts???
Greetings ICLWers! This is only my second ICLW and it's all still so exciting to me to have new readers, commenters, and followers. I love the love I feel and love to return it! Please leave me a link to your blog or your ICLW number and I will be sure to return the support.
I am 30 and DH is too. We are TTC baby number 3 and found out after the first of the year that due to antisperm antibodies, IVF is our only realistic option to conceive again. We conceived DSs 1 and 2 while on BC and while NTNP (not trying/not preventing). TTC has never been a challenge before and through this all, I am humbled and grateful for the friendships I've made and the closeness I have achieved with my husband. I truly believe what Sara says about effects of IF on a marriage when she says, "I didn't know I could connect to the core of my soul with my husband. Infertility really takes a marriage to depths of understanding that only fellow infertiles I think could really get." You can read the rest of her amazing post here.
As for me, I am moving right along in my IVF cycle and just finished my BCP last week. I have my suppression check on 3/2 and will start stimming on 3/5. We are scheduled to be PUPO with twins (we hope!) on 3/19. I have a ticker above to count down the days. It will be here before I know it. You can read my medications and timeline over here --------------------->.
Today was a good/bad day. Good because I went up to Guthrie, Oklahoma and saw 29 of the best friends you could ever have at Horse Feathers Equine Rescue. It's a place I'm learning to go to to clear my head and think about others and not be so caught up in myself and SIF all the time. Each of the 29 horses there has an amazing story and has overcome a lot of neglect and abuse and are now thriving and happy. They give me peace and focus. The work is hard, but the rewards are many. It was a great couple of hours.
Admittedly, my day started off pretty badly, though as my Lupron injection hurt so bad I cried and it was only AFTER I took the needle out that I realized the freaking thing was bent. I instinctively started to question everything - why we are doing this, what am I doing to my body, why am I making myself hurt and cry and should we keep doing this.
After a few moments of free-flowing tears, I reminded myself that there is really no turning back for me. I know I can pull the plug on this at any time, but no shot, no bent needle, no hotflash or night sweat is going to keep us from bringing home the baby we love so much that's been conceived already...in our hearts.
I am 30 and DH is too. We are TTC baby number 3 and found out after the first of the year that due to antisperm antibodies, IVF is our only realistic option to conceive again. We conceived DSs 1 and 2 while on BC and while NTNP (not trying/not preventing). TTC has never been a challenge before and through this all, I am humbled and grateful for the friendships I've made and the closeness I have achieved with my husband. I truly believe what Sara says about effects of IF on a marriage when she says, "I didn't know I could connect to the core of my soul with my husband. Infertility really takes a marriage to depths of understanding that only fellow infertiles I think could really get." You can read the rest of her amazing post here.
As for me, I am moving right along in my IVF cycle and just finished my BCP last week. I have my suppression check on 3/2 and will start stimming on 3/5. We are scheduled to be PUPO with twins (we hope!) on 3/19. I have a ticker above to count down the days. It will be here before I know it. You can read my medications and timeline over here --------------------->.
Today was a good/bad day. Good because I went up to Guthrie, Oklahoma and saw 29 of the best friends you could ever have at Horse Feathers Equine Rescue. It's a place I'm learning to go to to clear my head and think about others and not be so caught up in myself and SIF all the time. Each of the 29 horses there has an amazing story and has overcome a lot of neglect and abuse and are now thriving and happy. They give me peace and focus. The work is hard, but the rewards are many. It was a great couple of hours.
Admittedly, my day started off pretty badly, though as my Lupron injection hurt so bad I cried and it was only AFTER I took the needle out that I realized the freaking thing was bent. I instinctively started to question everything - why we are doing this, what am I doing to my body, why am I making myself hurt and cry and should we keep doing this.
After a few moments of free-flowing tears, I reminded myself that there is really no turning back for me. I know I can pull the plug on this at any time, but no shot, no bent needle, no hotflash or night sweat is going to keep us from bringing home the baby we love so much that's been conceived already...in our hearts.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
BCP, Lupron, and Airport Injections
See that?! My last lone birth control pill will be taken tonight and another chapter in this IVF story will be in the books. I started Lupron injections three days ago and while it's not my favorite thing to do, waking up and sticking myself with a needle, it's not horrible either. DH even sat in for yesterday's injection. I think he thinks I'm a rockstar. I kind of feel like one.
In other news, I am making a previously unplanned trip back east next week. My good friend, Kass, her dad is quickly losing his battle with throat cancer and I'm unsure whether he'll still be hanging on or already gone when I get there. Regardless, she needs me and I'm there. Sometimes I think texting and talking does less than sitting together and holding a hand in silence. She would do the same for me - I have no doubt.
I called Delta yesterday and spoke with a representative about my Lupron and my needles. She said they were okay to bring on with me as carry on as long as everything was still in its original manufacturer's packaging and I had a letter from my doctor saying that I am under his care and taking these medicines. I thought I would pass that information along to you in case you ever needed to know! I'm glad they can stay with me because I will need to inject myself when I get to Memphis that morning! That should be fun.
I hope everyone is having a great week and I am going to continue to enjoy this beautiful sunshine and the fact that (so far) Lupron has been kind and not dealt me too many side effects. I'm a little crabby, but I'm always a little crabby, so who knows?! :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dear Hubby,
(Please bear with me reader - when I set out to write this post, I was thinking of Tupac's "Dear Momma" and I just remembered that I'm awful at rhyme and now the following entry will not live up to previous lofty expectations. Sighs.)
Dear Hubby,
Happy Valentine's Day. I love you so much I bought you slippers and one of those sports bracelets that helps with balance and circulation. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first about the whole "improves sports performance" guarantee, but the kiosk dude at the mall did a little demo and it really worked. I stand corrected. Anyway, I also stood in line at your favorite bakery at the high noon for twenty five minutes just to get you your favorite red velvet cupcake. I'll probably let you see me naked tonight as well, but that's going to wrap up Valentines festivities for you, kind sir.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to be really nice to you, as it seems that the real Aub is leaving tomorrow and I don't know when she'll be back. I have a feeling that once I stick that little needle into my belly I could be gone for the next three weeks (maybe longer) and I felt it fair warning to tell you that my replacement is going to be mean. Very hormonal. She's going to complain a lot about headaches and hot flashes. She may wake you up angry because you're sleeping soundly while she sweats to death next to you. I heard she cries. A lot. And curses under her breath. Enjoy the rare tender moments with her and check for knives when she pulls you in for a hug. She'll most definitely remind you constantly that she's losing her mind and that it's unfair that she has to be chemically altered while you stay the same and that her contribution to this joint effort includes needles while yours involves a sterile cup and an orgasm. I recommend not talking unless spoken to by her and steal opportunities to work late or better yet, just go out of town for work.
She won't tell you this, but she owes 90%+ of her happiness over the last ten years to you and your efforts in making this relationship work. Because there were plenty of times that we could have called it quits and walked away from what we have, but I think you and I are both better people for staying. We got all sorts of good stuff here. And the best part of us is definitely our babies. I can't wait to have more of those with you.
Please bear with my replacement Aub. I promise to return soon!
Love Always,
Tuesday<3
P.S. It's a good thing that no sexy time whatsoever will go into the making of these babies because that's not something you'll want to do with replacement Aub. *shakes head emphatically*
Dear Hubby,
Happy Valentine's Day. I love you so much I bought you slippers and one of those sports bracelets that helps with balance and circulation. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first about the whole "improves sports performance" guarantee, but the kiosk dude at the mall did a little demo and it really worked. I stand corrected. Anyway, I also stood in line at your favorite bakery at the high noon for twenty five minutes just to get you your favorite red velvet cupcake. I'll probably let you see me naked tonight as well, but that's going to wrap up Valentines festivities for you, kind sir.
I also wanted to take this opportunity to be really nice to you, as it seems that the real Aub is leaving tomorrow and I don't know when she'll be back. I have a feeling that once I stick that little needle into my belly I could be gone for the next three weeks (maybe longer) and I felt it fair warning to tell you that my replacement is going to be mean. Very hormonal. She's going to complain a lot about headaches and hot flashes. She may wake you up angry because you're sleeping soundly while she sweats to death next to you. I heard she cries. A lot. And curses under her breath. Enjoy the rare tender moments with her and check for knives when she pulls you in for a hug. She'll most definitely remind you constantly that she's losing her mind and that it's unfair that she has to be chemically altered while you stay the same and that her contribution to this joint effort includes needles while yours involves a sterile cup and an orgasm. I recommend not talking unless spoken to by her and steal opportunities to work late or better yet, just go out of town for work.
She won't tell you this, but she owes 90%+ of her happiness over the last ten years to you and your efforts in making this relationship work. Because there were plenty of times that we could have called it quits and walked away from what we have, but I think you and I are both better people for staying. We got all sorts of good stuff here. And the best part of us is definitely our babies. I can't wait to have more of those with you.
Please bear with my replacement Aub. I promise to return soon!
Love Always,
Tuesday<3
P.S. It's a good thing that no sexy time whatsoever will go into the making of these babies because that's not something you'll want to do with replacement Aub. *shakes head emphatically*
Friday, February 11, 2011
More Strange Sleep Antics
Last night was the first night I can ever remember being afraid to go to sleep. I stayed up late reading and walked around the house aimlessly in an effort NOT go to bed, but at around midnight I succumbed to my drooping eyelids and sluggish posture. To bed I went.
DH was already asleep and I curled up next to him and drifted off almost immediately (thank you, Tempur-pedic). Around 3:30, DS2 came in for a drink of water and I carried him back to bed. I am cognizant of this activity. At around 5, however, I woke up because I was very hot and uncomfortable and lo and behold!! I am wearing a hoodie, zipped to the top with the hood up over my head. WTH? What's worse, there was the chapstick from the night before in one pocket and a wad of toilet paper in the other. Really?! Interesting...
I posted on facebook about it this morning and received a private message from a fellow infertile (of course, I didn't know she was, but since I outed myself as one in that particular forum, they seem to be coming out of the woodwork). She asked me if I had started on any of my fertility medicines and that she did some strange things in her sleep when she was on injectibles. My mystery would be all but solved if this were the case. I'm still just taking bcp and waiting to start the art of injecting on Tuesday.
So what is going on with this sleepwalking crap?
DH was already asleep and I curled up next to him and drifted off almost immediately (thank you, Tempur-pedic). Around 3:30, DS2 came in for a drink of water and I carried him back to bed. I am cognizant of this activity. At around 5, however, I woke up because I was very hot and uncomfortable and lo and behold!! I am wearing a hoodie, zipped to the top with the hood up over my head. WTH? What's worse, there was the chapstick from the night before in one pocket and a wad of toilet paper in the other. Really?! Interesting...
I posted on facebook about it this morning and received a private message from a fellow infertile (of course, I didn't know she was, but since I outed myself as one in that particular forum, they seem to be coming out of the woodwork). She asked me if I had started on any of my fertility medicines and that she did some strange things in her sleep when she was on injectibles. My mystery would be all but solved if this were the case. I'm still just taking bcp and waiting to start the art of injecting on Tuesday.
So what is going on with this sleepwalking crap?
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Frozen In Time
I feel frozen in time. There is nothing going on here. Not as far as TTC is concerned. I am STILL waiting for my meds to get here, if you can believe that. I waited all day Friday for them to arrive and finally called the pharmacy to see what was up and the woman informed me that she did not send them. She did not send the medicine I waited all day to sign for. She did not send them. She did not call to say she did not send them. Nope. So she sent them yesterday. So I wait today. And she sent my Follistim to someone else and now she's out of that. So another day in the upcoming week or so, I'll have to wait for that too.
Although, we are suspended in time over here, we are not without big decisions to make. We need to decide how many of my eggs we are going to fertilize. I know, most people would answer, "As many as you can, crazy!!" but we need to play this IVF very conservatively. DH and I are setting out to complete our family and we are not down with having frozen embies. We keep going back and forth about what to do, but we feel like we (hopefully) have a good plan in place for now. We are going to get as many eggs as possible, but Dr. Awesome RE recommended we only fertilize four at a time. The rest of the eggs, we will freeze and IF our cycle fails, we can thaw out and fertilize more eggs, but if it is a success, we will simply have the eggs destroyed. This decision is hard to make. Lots of personal beliefs and morals come into play and it all comes down to what DH and I feel comfortable with doing.
The only question that remains is wondering if fertilizing four is enough? I worry that maybe that is too few? There are people out there that get twenty plus eggs, fertilize ten of them and still only end up with two to transfer. Ugh.
Why is IF so hard??
Why in the hell do we have to think of stuff like this?
My brain hurts.
Although, we are suspended in time over here, we are not without big decisions to make. We need to decide how many of my eggs we are going to fertilize. I know, most people would answer, "As many as you can, crazy!!" but we need to play this IVF very conservatively. DH and I are setting out to complete our family and we are not down with having frozen embies. We keep going back and forth about what to do, but we feel like we (hopefully) have a good plan in place for now. We are going to get as many eggs as possible, but Dr. Awesome RE recommended we only fertilize four at a time. The rest of the eggs, we will freeze and IF our cycle fails, we can thaw out and fertilize more eggs, but if it is a success, we will simply have the eggs destroyed. This decision is hard to make. Lots of personal beliefs and morals come into play and it all comes down to what DH and I feel comfortable with doing.
The only question that remains is wondering if fertilizing four is enough? I worry that maybe that is too few? There are people out there that get twenty plus eggs, fertilize ten of them and still only end up with two to transfer. Ugh.
Why is IF so hard??
Why in the hell do we have to think of stuff like this?
My brain hurts.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Nothing Going on but the Rent
I'm so boring.
I have nothing going on as far as ttc is concerned.
Just taking a little birth control pill once a day, every day.
Anxious to start sticking myself with needles. Can't wait.
Don't even go back to the doctor until March 2nd.
Is it March yet?
I'm gonna have to live vicariously through you girls this cycle since I got a whole lotta nada happening here.
Big snow storm coming.
School's already been canceled and we've got.....zero snow out there.
DH's work got canceled due to the snow that has yet to arrive.
Pharmacy called today and my meds are going to arrive on Thursday.
Because we have insurance, my portion of the $3500 worth of IVF meds is less than $300. Three cheers for insurance!
Thinking about getting some laser hair removal done "down there" during the month of February just to amuse myself. Also, I think it would be kind of me to be "fresh" down there for ER and ET. Thoughts?
*Big Sigh*
Oh, and since we found out that we won't ever conceive another child by BDing, the BDing has been......AMAZING. Is it because I'm thirty? Or because BDing is now strictly for sport and just for fun?
That is all.
I have nothing going on as far as ttc is concerned.
Just taking a little birth control pill once a day, every day.
Anxious to start sticking myself with needles. Can't wait.
Don't even go back to the doctor until March 2nd.
Is it March yet?
I'm gonna have to live vicariously through you girls this cycle since I got a whole lotta nada happening here.
Big snow storm coming.
School's already been canceled and we've got.....zero snow out there.
DH's work got canceled due to the snow that has yet to arrive.
Pharmacy called today and my meds are going to arrive on Thursday.
Because we have insurance, my portion of the $3500 worth of IVF meds is less than $300. Three cheers for insurance!
Thinking about getting some laser hair removal done "down there" during the month of February just to amuse myself. Also, I think it would be kind of me to be "fresh" down there for ER and ET. Thoughts?
*Big Sigh*
Oh, and since we found out that we won't ever conceive another child by BDing, the BDing has been......AMAZING. Is it because I'm thirty? Or because BDing is now strictly for sport and just for fun?
That is all.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Teacher's Pet and IVF Calendar of Events!! Ooh and an Announcement!
Last night, DH and I went to IVF class and let me just say, that place was PACKED! "Helloo fellow Infertiles!!" I wanted to yell as we entered class, but something told me not everyone was in a joking mood. So we copped a squat in the back of the room and the powerpoint presentation quickly got underway. Within five minutes, my hand went up. I questioned. She answered. Five minutes later, up with the hand. Question/answer. And again. And again. And again. Before we took our five minute break, I had as many questions under my belt. Aub = 5, rest of the class = 0. During the break, DH told me to knock it off with the questions. I rolled my eyes and went straight to the nurse with seven more. They also took our picture with our spouses to put in our file. I thought that was nice. She said they keep a pic of people to remember which two go together and because they like to envision a face with the voice on the line. I thought that was cool. Props to them. Session two of class started with a slide presentation on the ER and ET procedures. I asked eleven more questions. DH looked like he was going to explode. At one point, he tried to put my hand down. Whatevs. By the time it was all over, Aub = 23, IVF Class = 0. Afterward, the nurse thanked me SEVERAL times for asking questions. *pats self on back*
This morning, I had my uterus mapped and IVF blood work drawn. Dr. Awesome RE said my uterus was "gorgeous" (have I mentioned I LOVE HIM?!!!) and he patted me on the back and sent me across the hall to the Fertility Institute to get my blood work and order my meds. I also got my dates!! It just made it all so real! My meds are Lupron, Follistim, Menopur, Ovedril, and Progesterone in Oil. I start Lupron on 2/12. I have a suppression check on 2/28. Then I start stims. I continue the Lupron, but then add Follistim (for three days) and Menopur (for nine days.) During that time, I'll have u/s every other day to monitor folly growth. Then sometime on the 12th of March, I'll trigger with the Ovidrel. ER on 3/14 (Progesterone in Oil injections starting that day) and ET on 3/19. Pregnant on 3/19!! I am so excited and blessed and ready for this experience!!
By way of an announcement, I "outed" myself on Facebook as being infertile and I had a wonderful response! 13 beautiful expressions of support and one private message from a person I suspected had dealt with IF offering me her number and any support she could give. It was a great decision to make. If anything, I want others to know that we are out there and that we struggle and we are survivors and we are strong. I am so happy I spoke up!
This morning, I had my uterus mapped and IVF blood work drawn. Dr. Awesome RE said my uterus was "gorgeous" (have I mentioned I LOVE HIM?!!!) and he patted me on the back and sent me across the hall to the Fertility Institute to get my blood work and order my meds. I also got my dates!! It just made it all so real! My meds are Lupron, Follistim, Menopur, Ovedril, and Progesterone in Oil. I start Lupron on 2/12. I have a suppression check on 2/28. Then I start stims. I continue the Lupron, but then add Follistim (for three days) and Menopur (for nine days.) During that time, I'll have u/s every other day to monitor folly growth. Then sometime on the 12th of March, I'll trigger with the Ovidrel. ER on 3/14 (Progesterone in Oil injections starting that day) and ET on 3/19. Pregnant on 3/19!! I am so excited and blessed and ready for this experience!!
By way of an announcement, I "outed" myself on Facebook as being infertile and I had a wonderful response! 13 beautiful expressions of support and one private message from a person I suspected had dealt with IF offering me her number and any support she could give. It was a great decision to make. If anything, I want others to know that we are out there and that we struggle and we are survivors and we are strong. I am so happy I spoke up!
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