Gender Disappointment

These words are gross to me.  I didn't even know there was such a thing as gender disappointment until I went searching for a place to upload the twins' NT scan pics to get opinions on what sex they might be.  The most popular site In.Genderdotcom, has a whole section devoted to being disappointed in the gender of your baby.  What. The.  Eff. 

Apparently, when you are fertile, you get to get pregnant at will and have the audacity to be disappointed if you were trying for a boy and got a girl or trying for a girl and got a boy.  I try not to let this kind of stuff get to me - I don't really care what kind of silliness people who have no clue how lucky they are can conjur up for themselves to get upset/disappointed over, but I'll be damned if that type of ridiculous behavior is going to creep into my life.

Let me set the stage for better understanding of why I am even addressing this stupidity here.  Since we found out that the twins are boys, the reaction from family has been less than stellar.  We've been met with more, "Awws" than "OHMYGOODGODANDGRAVY, Congratulations, you guys!!!"  We've even had an, "Oh well, as long as they are healthy" comment (this one really pissed me off).  I know that these people love us, want what is best for us and always have our best intentions at heart, but does anybody really think that the genders of these little ones was the goal here?!  Especially since these are people who know what we've gone through to get here.

I don't care if these babies are giraffes, as long as I can carry them to a healthy term, deliver them safely and be healthy myself, that's all that matters to me.  Why can't others just be happy for us?  What's so great about having a daughter that makes these little guys less miraculous?  Am I missing something here?

It's not my goal to bash girls, believe me. We would be ecstatic to be having a little girl, but the part that irks me is that obviously our family would be ecstatic, too and THAT'S the part that I don't get.  Little boys only get an "Oh well" while little girls would warrant a proper reaction? 

How could anyone not be as excited and grateful as we are over our labor of love? 

I feel like we should preface telling people with a "Sorry to let you down, but..."

A Rude Awakening

I had kind of a rude awakening this morning and I wanted to address it on here and put it out in the open. I woke up to a comment on my blog that was pretty rude and hurtful. It was a post I wrote four months ago when I was three weeks out from my miscarriage. It was a post that was full of emotion - anger, frustration and a sadness that I had never felt before. I use this blog to sort through these emotions and it is probably one of the few posts I have ever written that was 100% honest, despite the fact that what I said wasn't typical of me, which I clearly addressed in a disclaimer at the beginning of the post.

Basically, I was angry after reading another blog where a woman did her second IVF and was pregnant with her second baby. 2 IVFs = 2 babies for her. The whole point of me being upset was this: When you have to resort to IVF to get pregnant, it should work, guaranteed. Plain and simple. I did everything right and followed orders and walked away with nothing. I was hurting.

The comment, which I deleted, called me selfish and greedy for wanting more children after having two naturally and that I had no right to hate on anyone who does IVF and has success in it. I was encouraged to appreciate the children that I have and stop obsessing over having more.

I know that someone on TWW wrote that comment. (1) Nobody has ever stumbled across my blog on the internet and (2) the link to this blog is right at the bottom of every post I make on there. The nasty-grammer also admitted to having tried IVF several times without success.

So, I wanted to put it out there for whoever said this that the decision DH and I made to have more than two children is our decision and our business. There are more types of infertility than primary infertility. It is completely narrow-minded to think that just because we were given two children naturally and struggle to conceive our third, that we do not appreciate the ones that we have. Let me ask this: If we had to do ART to have our sons and were doing treatments again, would you think us greedy? Or is just because we were formally fertile that we are selfish??

I hate even bringing this up here and I apologize to you wonderful ladies who support me for having to read it, but I felt the need to defend myself especially when someone attacked what kind of mother I am to my boys.

Do any of us want to be in this position?? Don't we all want each IVF to result in a child and mean the end of the emotional roller coaster, the injections, the procedures, the appointments, the sleepless nights, the headaches, the fatigue, the night sweats, the arguing with our husbands, and the crying ourselves to sleep?!?!?

I hope that, like the other people who read that post and supported me when I was at my lowest, all who read this would understand and not sit in judgment of me and the words that I wrote when I was still reeling from losing my baby.