These words are gross to me. I didn't even know there was such a thing as gender disappointment until I went searching for a place to upload the twins' NT scan pics to get opinions on what sex they might be. The most popular site In.Genderdotcom, has a whole section devoted to being disappointed in the gender of your baby. What. The. Eff.
Apparently, when you are fertile, you get to get pregnant at will and have the audacity to be disappointed if you were trying for a boy and got a girl or trying for a girl and got a boy. I try not to let this kind of stuff get to me - I don't really care what kind of silliness people who have no clue how lucky they are can conjur up for themselves to get upset/disappointed over, but I'll be damned if that type of ridiculous behavior is going to creep into my life.
Let me set the stage for better understanding of why I am even addressing this stupidity here. Since we found out that the twins are boys, the reaction from family has been less than stellar. We've been met with more, "Awws" than "OHMYGOODGODANDGRAVY, Congratulations, you guys!!!" We've even had an, "Oh well, as long as they are healthy" comment (this one really pissed me off). I know that these people love us, want what is best for us and always have our best intentions at heart, but does anybody really think that the genders of these little ones was the goal here?! Especially since these are people who know what we've gone through to get here.
I don't care if these babies are giraffes, as long as I can carry them to a healthy term, deliver them safely and be healthy myself, that's all that matters to me. Why can't others just be happy for us? What's so great about having a daughter that makes these little guys less miraculous? Am I missing something here?
It's not my goal to bash girls, believe me. We would be ecstatic to be having a little girl, but the part that irks me is that obviously our family would be ecstatic, too and THAT'S the part that I don't get. Little boys only get an "Oh well" while little girls would warrant a proper reaction?
How could anyone not be as excited and grateful as we are over our labor of love?
I feel like we should preface telling people with a "Sorry to let you down, but..."
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These people obviously dont realize how very insenstive those comments are. Like you said boys, girls who cares. They are two beautiful baby boys who were concieved through love, heartache and alot of persistance. They will be the most loved little guys :)
ReplyDeleteI saw that comment you mentioned on your FB... it made me mad then, but I didn't want to bring it up to you if somehow it had escaped you. But, I should know better than that!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your family isn't giving the reaction they should be. That's beyond annoying, and hopefully they straighten up soon. I'm so happy for you, and I would have been even if you were having transgender baby giraffes!! :)
<3
First of all, congratulations on your little boys!! What an incredible blessing. And I COMPLETELY agree with you. We were so thrilled when we were pregnant and had our baby girl. Not long after, my sister in law got pregnant (after a few months of trying, they actually told us that they were hoping it would take longer even though they knew our situation) and when they found out it was a girl my brother in law was really disappointed. A few months after she was born he wanted to start trying again for a boy. The idea of all of this is so revolting to me, I don't have proper words for it. I guess all I can say is that I feel sorry for these people because they have no idea how very lucky they are and I feel sorry for their children. I also feel sorry for you. You should be able to revel in every single moment of this pregnancy and not have to deal with this kind of thing. Congratulations to you!!!
ReplyDeleteAs a mom to four fabulous boys I know exactly what you mean. I was thrilled to be expecting at all with my 4th as we waited 5 years for another baby. But there were some people who I know would have been more excited if I had ended up with a girl. It's infuriating. My youngest son is just as amazing and special and unique as each one of his brothers. I am incredibly proud of my family. I think those who look down on it or view it as lacking in some way are missing the point entirely.
ReplyDeleteI am genuinely happy for you (and more than a little jealous. Twin babies! Twin boys!! It's gonna be awesome!!!)
I had gender disappointment when we found out and it took over 3 years to get pregnant. I love my daughter just as much as the next mother but here is where I present the other side of the coin.....I have guilt that I will have passed on my infertility (PCOS) to her and she will one day have to deal with the heartache that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I pray everynight that she will never know what it is like.
ReplyDeleteI realize this is not the case for the way your family reacted or for those that haven't been hit by IF....just food for thought.
CONGRATULATIONS on your twin boys and beautiful miracles!!
I was the baby that was born the wrong sex and caused gender disappointment in my Dad. So when people talk about their gender disappointment like it's totally alright to feel that way, it gets me mad. My Dad thought it was okay to feel that way, and guess what? We have almost no relationship at all. Things have always been tense between us, and now that my younger brother has grown up and has become the man my father did not intend for him to be, he feels REGRETS that he never was able to feel close to me. So sure, gender disappointment is okay I guess, as long as you plan on always having a dysfunctional and lacking relationship with that child.
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