Follie Check Numero Uno

Happy Tuesday! I'm back from Florida and burnt to a crisp. I like it. I like it a lot.  Happy to be back home and have so many exciting things coming up! Gonna be PUPO in a little over a week. It's crazy - all this waiting and then everything happens so quickly!

I had my first follie check this morning and according to Dr. Awesome RE, I am responding perfectly. I have 14 measurable follies. Eight in right and 6 in my left. They range from 6.2mm to 10.8mm.  I am waiting to hear the results of my E2 to see if I need to change up my dosage on my medicines.  So far, stimming has been okay. My belly looks like a pin cushion and I have this lovely Lupron bruise to contend with (i.e. try to inject around):

Follistim is very gentle. Menopur burns.  I'm as hormonal as ever. Lucky DH.  This morning I asked him if he had remembered to request off work for Monday.  (My ER is scheduled for that day.)  He responds with, "For what?"  Needless to say, my head spun three times and pea soup went flying. Really? You can't remember what's going on next week?  I can see if it were just a procedure how it might slip his mind, but OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE CONCEIVED THAT DAY.  Please remember if only for that reason.

Am I crazy to get upset over that?

If your answer is yes, please don't answer.

Follistim Cocktail with an Umbrella?

So, I just got back from visiting a friend from home and was a terrible ICLWer and only posted once in the last week. Now would probably be a good time to say that I am leaving....AGAIN.  I'm meeting a friend in West Palm Beach for a few days! Sunshine, girl talk, fruity non-alcoholic drinks (for me at least) is just what I believe is needed to kick off my week of stims.  I'm leaving in a little while and will be there tonight! I'll be back late Monday night (just a quick trip) and will be checking back in with everyone after my follie check Tuesday morning.  I hope everything is progressing perfectly. Why wouldn't it be? Sunshine makes your follies grow, right? :)

If I usually comment on your blog, but haven't lately, please know that I am still reading what is going on with you even if it is on my phone sitting in the airport terminal.  I have been an absentee commentor and for that, I'm sorry. Once I get back from this trip and go through ER/ET I will be all up in your blogs to an extent where I will most likely annoy you. That's a promise!

Have a great weekend!!

I Am Still Alive

After not posting for over a week, I want to let you all know that I am alive and well. I was a terrible ICLWer and am so ashamed of my shoddy performance when it came to commenting and responding back to my commentors blogs. *hangs head in shame*

I went back east this past Saturday through Tuesday and lent some support to my friend whose dad is dying. He is still hanging on and is getting moved to Hospice tomorrow. For his sake, I pray he goes quickly. The man has fought hard for two years. He deserves some peace.  The whole trip has left me feeling a little disconnected from my IVF cycle. I am still trucking through my Lupron and my Lupron induced AF showed on Sunday (Yikes! Holy bleed-a-thon!) but I feel so distracted at this point in the game, I find myself thinking about cancer and caskets instead of nursery colors and baby names. Talk about a 180, huh?

Yesterday, I had my suppression check and everything is great. My lining was thin (really doc, I've been bleeding like a stuck hog for days, I kinda knew that already), ovaries are looking good with no cysts, and my estrogen is 38 (anything below 50 is good). I am officially suppressed. Which means only one thing:

Follistim and Menopur, here I come!!!!!!

Puke and Poop: Repeat!

This post is about my sick nine-year-old and all the lovely bodily functions that come along with the stomach flu. I understand if you don't want to read or comment, but this is what's going on in my world since yesterday.

My big boy is sick.  It all started yesterday when I went in to wake him up for school and noticed he was kind of moaning in his sleep. I asked him what was up and he said his stomach hurt. I told him to at least try to get up and have breakfast and promised him we'd take it slow and see how he did. Three bites into his waffles, he runs to the bathroom and loses it out of both ends. :( He got a quick shower and went back to bed.  The day was uneventful and by evening he had a great dinner and I figured all would be back to normal this morning, which was good because Wednesdays are pretty busy for me. WRONG!  He puked at 1 am. He puked and pooped himself at 4 am. He pooped himself at 8 am and he pooped himself at 9 am and he pooped himself just now in the bathtub. It has to be a boy thing. My friend said her little girl would flip out if she lost control of herself in her pants or in the tub. My son acts like it's no big deal!!  :/

So, today is all about taking care of him and getting him back to his old self again. DH is out of town for work (which absolutely figures) so it's me against the world today. Bring it! I've got Clorox, Lysol, AND butt wipes. :)

If you are here from ICLW, you can get caught up with what's going on with us here.

Welcome ICLWers and Second Thoughts???

Greetings ICLWers! This is only my second ICLW and it's all still so exciting to me to have new readers, commenters, and followers. I love the love I feel and love to return it! Please leave me a link to your blog or your ICLW number and I will be sure to return the support.

I am 30 and DH is too. We are TTC baby number 3 and found out after the first of the year that due to antisperm antibodies, IVF is our only realistic option to conceive again.  We conceived DSs 1 and 2 while on BC and while NTNP (not trying/not preventing).  TTC has never been a challenge before and through this all, I am humbled and grateful for the friendships I've made and the closeness I have achieved with my husband. I truly believe what Sara says about effects of IF on a marriage when she says, "I didn't know I could connect to the core of my soul with my husband. Infertility really takes a marriage to depths of understanding that only fellow infertiles I think could really get."  You can read the rest of her amazing post here.

As for me, I am moving right along in my IVF cycle and just finished my BCP last week. I have my suppression check on 3/2 and will start stimming on 3/5.  We are scheduled to be PUPO with twins (we hope!) on 3/19.  I have a ticker above to count down the days. It will be here before I know it.  You can read my medications and timeline over here --------------------->.

Today was a good/bad day.  Good because I went up to Guthrie, Oklahoma and saw 29 of the best friends you could ever have at Horse Feathers Equine Rescue. It's a place I'm learning to go to to clear my head and think about others and not be so caught up in myself and SIF all the time.  Each of the 29 horses there has an amazing story and has overcome a lot of neglect and abuse and are now thriving and happy. They give me peace and focus. The work is hard, but the rewards are many.  It was a great couple of hours.

Admittedly, my day started off pretty badly, though as my Lupron injection hurt so bad I cried and it was only AFTER I took the needle out that I realized the freaking thing was bent. I instinctively started to question everything - why we are doing this, what am I doing to my body, why am I making myself hurt and cry and should we keep doing this. 

After a few moments of free-flowing tears, I reminded myself that there is really no turning back for me. I know I can pull the plug on this at any time, but no shot, no bent needle, no hotflash or night sweat is going to keep us from bringing home the baby we  love so much that's been conceived already...in our hearts.

It's Tough Being a Girl

 So, I've said it before and I'll say it again, outing myself  as struggling with IF on Facebook while risky, scary and impossible to undo, has been an excellent choice. I don't talk a lot about what I'm going through and I certainly don't say as much as I do on here, but I say enough that people know.  Even though my intentions were less than pure as you may remember from this post, the effects have been positive and satisfying.  Here is a private message I received just yesterday with my post title being the subject line:

 Aub,


I just wanted to let you know how much I admire you for being so open and honest about what you're going through right now, trying to get pregnant again.


I just went off the pill last month, and I'm a nervous wreck waiting and wondering. One of my best friends just had a baby last month. She got pregnant a month after going off the pill. Another friend of mine has been trying for a year to have baby #2, and is starting to look into treatment options. So I've seen both points of view.


We wanted to wait until x amount of time before we started trying, and then it was like I woke up one day and wanted a baby NOW! That's made it even more frustrating because I want it to happen so bad, and now I wish we would've started trying sooner. Oh well.


I try to be a big believer in "whatever is meant to be will be", but this is definitely testing me.


I'm usually not on Facebook enough during the day to respond to postings as they happen, but I just wanted you to know that I do see them, and I'm thinking about you and praying for you.


Natalie


For some reason, this message made my heart so happy that I chose to speak.  I speak here, believe me, you all know, but to really talk about it and put it out there in a public forum so it cannot be quietly ignored.  If one in ten couples faces IF, then out of almost 600 Facebook friends, sixty of them are affected. To be able to reach out to them and be someone that they can come to publicly or privately is a tremendous blessing.

BCP, Lupron, and Airport Injections

See that?! My last lone birth control pill will be taken tonight and another chapter in this IVF story will be in the books.  I started Lupron injections three days ago and while it's not my favorite thing to do, waking up and sticking myself with a needle, it's not horrible either.  DH even sat in for yesterday's injection. I think he thinks I'm a rockstar. I kind of feel like one.

In other news, I am making a previously unplanned trip back east next week.  My good friend, Kass, her dad is quickly losing his battle with throat cancer and I'm unsure whether he'll still be hanging on or already gone when I get there. Regardless, she needs me and I'm there. Sometimes I think texting and talking does less than sitting together and holding a hand in silence.  She would do the same for me - I have no doubt.

I called Delta yesterday and spoke with a representative about my Lupron and my needles. She said they were okay to bring on with me as carry on as long as everything was still in its original manufacturer's packaging and I had a letter from my doctor saying that I am under his care and taking these medicines.  I thought I would pass that information along to you in case you ever needed to know!  I'm glad they can stay with me because I will need to inject myself when I get to Memphis that morning!  That should be fun.

I hope everyone is having a great week and I am going to continue to enjoy this beautiful sunshine and the fact that (so far) Lupron has been kind and not dealt me too many side effects.  I'm a little crabby, but I'm always a little crabby, so who knows?! :)