With tomorrow's ER looming overhead, I find myself feeling very emotional. Of course, I could attribute everything to my hormones and think nothing more of it, but what I'm feeling goes so much deeper than just high estrogen levels.
I feel in awe of the events that are about to take place in the next twenty four hours. I feel grateful for the opportunity to expand our family and fulfill our dreams of another child. I feel privileged to have this chance of motherhood again.
I am in awe of God for creating man with the ability to develop technologies such as IVF and therefore the loving provision of helping those who are unable to conceive naturally the fair shake to become biological parents. As much as I give credit to my amazing doctor and his team of highly skilled scientists, the real praise goes to God for his gift of life and all the blessings and benefits that come along with such a precious gift.
As a mother of two little boys, I find myself thinking of them, their needs, and how this is going to affect them and I feel so excited for them to be big brothers tomorrow! DS1 has been a big brother for more than five years now, but for DS2 to become one tomorrow is a huge deal to me. Their lives are going to change forever and I hope their new sibling(s) bring them so much joy. This is the last night of just the four of us. Wonderful, epic changes are about to take place!
I feel so much love for my husband and the fact that because of us, new lives will be created soon. It's so exciting to think about these babies and what they will be, who they will look like, and how much they are already loved and adored. I love sharing my life with such a wonderful man. He is a great dad. Not to mention we make totally gorgeous kids together (pats self on back!). I have truly never felt so close to him. Through all the TTC heartache, he has been my rock and I love and respect the person that he is and that he has become over these last (almost) ten years of marriage. I am awed by my husband.
Rarely do I ever strike a sentimental chord, so bear with me for all the warm fuzzies. I'm sure I'll be back to my sinister, sarcastic self in no time. Just allow me this moment of reflection and appreciation.
Cannot wait to update you all on ER tomorrow!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Follie Check Tres and OhhhEmmmGeee
This morning was my third and final follie check! Bright and early, I dragged my ovaries to the appointment. They are so heavy and full. Blood draw same as usual. U/s - not so usual. We lubed up the dildo cam and took a look at the right ovary. Dr. Awesome RE said he was happy with anything over a "10" and he measured around 7 follies all 13mm and above. He moved over to the left ovary and the first words out of his mouth were, "You need to come in Monday for retrieval." On the screen were 3 huge black circles. These suckers measured 23mm plus (averaged down to 20mm or so)! No wonder I'm feeling so full and uncomfortable! Yikes! He wasn't concerned, but the change in schedule concerned me. I'm a planner and I had previously been planning on a Monday retrieval. When my appointments started this week, however, they kept saying it wouldn't be until Tuesday, so I planned for Tuesday. Now it's back to Monday and I feel so ill-prepared!! I was going to cook all day Monday and get some last minute errands ran and whatnot. So much for that, right?!
A few hours ago, Awesome nurse Karen called to say that my estrogen was 2176. TWENTY ONE SEVENTY SIX!!!! Holy hormones, batman! This is where they want it to be, but I'm sure DH would like it much, MUCH lower. :)
So, tonight at eight o'clock sharp, I will trigger with the Ovidrel. Tomorrow, I get to take one blissful day off from shots. Hallelujah.
Of course, Monday will welcome the start of the really fun shots. Progesterone in oil. Right in the a$$. Can't wait.
A few hours ago, Awesome nurse Karen called to say that my estrogen was 2176. TWENTY ONE SEVENTY SIX!!!! Holy hormones, batman! This is where they want it to be, but I'm sure DH would like it much, MUCH lower. :)
So, tonight at eight o'clock sharp, I will trigger with the Ovidrel. Tomorrow, I get to take one blissful day off from shots. Hallelujah.
Of course, Monday will welcome the start of the really fun shots. Progesterone in oil. Right in the a$$. Can't wait.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Follie Check Numero Dos
Happy Friday and can I get a "Thank Jeebus, this week of stimming is coming to an end?!!" Holy ovaries! I've been handling things well (for the most part) but these emotions and these ovaries are heavy and intense.
Yesterday, I had a follie check. Twelve follicles measuring 8.5 to 15.8. Dr. Awesome RE was giddy with excitement over it all. All of it. My lady parts are "gorgeous" and everything is going "perfectly". Twice, I caught DH rolling his eyes, but I think he's just jealous that nobody is up in his manhood using such terms. In reality, I just think that my RE has a lot of ladies who don't respond well to the meds and maybe that's why he is so excited over it all. My lining was 10 and that's a great thing, too. They called a few hours laer to say to stay the same course with my Menopur (1mL to two vials of powder = 150mL dosing) and that my estrogen was 915.
Let us briefly review. Nine days ago, my estrogen was 38. Six days later, it was 358. Forty eight hours later, it was 915. To me, that makes laying on the floor of my closet and bawling last night perfectly legit. Dr. Awesome RE confirmed with DH that me being emotional is a perfectly normal response to all these hormones coursing through my veins. Again, DH rolls his eyes. I think he'd rather think I was crazy, which would make his less than warm response to my antics justifiable. But I digress. He thinks, I feel. I'm yin, he's yang. I say tomay - toe, he says tomah - toe. And so on and so on.
Last follie check bright and early tomorrow morning! Will update after!
Yesterday, I had a follie check. Twelve follicles measuring 8.5 to 15.8. Dr. Awesome RE was giddy with excitement over it all. All of it. My lady parts are "gorgeous" and everything is going "perfectly". Twice, I caught DH rolling his eyes, but I think he's just jealous that nobody is up in his manhood using such terms. In reality, I just think that my RE has a lot of ladies who don't respond well to the meds and maybe that's why he is so excited over it all. My lining was 10 and that's a great thing, too. They called a few hours laer to say to stay the same course with my Menopur (1mL to two vials of powder = 150mL dosing) and that my estrogen was 915.
Let us briefly review. Nine days ago, my estrogen was 38. Six days later, it was 358. Forty eight hours later, it was 915. To me, that makes laying on the floor of my closet and bawling last night perfectly legit. Dr. Awesome RE confirmed with DH that me being emotional is a perfectly normal response to all these hormones coursing through my veins. Again, DH rolls his eyes. I think he'd rather think I was crazy, which would make his less than warm response to my antics justifiable. But I digress. He thinks, I feel. I'm yin, he's yang. I say tomay - toe, he says tomah - toe. And so on and so on.
Last follie check bright and early tomorrow morning! Will update after!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Mama Mia!
Yesterday, I asked DH if he would come home from work and kindly slap me in the face. The kind of slap that you reserve for those, "What were you thinking?" moments. For example, "Honey, I contacted a real estate agent and went house hunting today. I found a few houses I want you to see." SLAP! "Why would you do that? We aren't settling down here. It took us forever to sell the two houses we did own and we lost a lot of money on one of them. We decided to rent for the next few years." OR "Honey, I bought an Aston Martin." SLAP! No explanation necessary.*
Well, yesterday it went a little something like this: Me - "Honey, please slap me in the face when you get home from work for telling my mom we are doing IVF." DH - "I told you so." It all started with a phone call I got from her where she informed me that she had had a "panic attack" over my doctor's appointment yesterday. She was worried that 14 follicles meant 14 babies and what would we do with 14 babies and (get this) "Can they only take out two eggs and fertilize them?" She also made me explain several times over again things I've told her already. Really? Are these the types of questions I have to field the week before ER/ET? I have my own concerns to deal with without having to explain the process in detail to someone who clearly hasn't even tried to look up any information on their own and understand it. Part of me just has to let it go and tell myself that she loves me and is worried. Part of me wants to scream. I'll give you one guess which part is winning.
At any rate, I can't let it bother me. She called again today and started in with her interrogation and I just told her that I couldn't handle her stress on top of my own. I asked her if she had looked up IVF at all and she admitted that she hadn't. I told her to check out online resources and try to educate herself about the process. The internet is a mighty powerful thing. Just stop playing Farmville for a few minutes and read about it.
I found out yesterday that my estrogen is 381 and Dr. Awesome RE wants me to double up on my Menopur and I'm done with Follistim. I go back in tomorrow morning for another follie check/blood draw. I will be sure to update after!
*Please note: My husband has NEVER raised a hand to me and I do not condone those types of behavior by any means. I use the term in jest and he knows what I mean when I ask for this treatment. It's just me being dramatic. He does spank sometimes, but that is a completely different post altogether. ;)
Well, yesterday it went a little something like this: Me - "Honey, please slap me in the face when you get home from work for telling my mom we are doing IVF." DH - "I told you so." It all started with a phone call I got from her where she informed me that she had had a "panic attack" over my doctor's appointment yesterday. She was worried that 14 follicles meant 14 babies and what would we do with 14 babies and (get this) "Can they only take out two eggs and fertilize them?" She also made me explain several times over again things I've told her already. Really? Are these the types of questions I have to field the week before ER/ET? I have my own concerns to deal with without having to explain the process in detail to someone who clearly hasn't even tried to look up any information on their own and understand it. Part of me just has to let it go and tell myself that she loves me and is worried. Part of me wants to scream. I'll give you one guess which part is winning.
At any rate, I can't let it bother me. She called again today and started in with her interrogation and I just told her that I couldn't handle her stress on top of my own. I asked her if she had looked up IVF at all and she admitted that she hadn't. I told her to check out online resources and try to educate herself about the process. The internet is a mighty powerful thing. Just stop playing Farmville for a few minutes and read about it.
I found out yesterday that my estrogen is 381 and Dr. Awesome RE wants me to double up on my Menopur and I'm done with Follistim. I go back in tomorrow morning for another follie check/blood draw. I will be sure to update after!
*Please note: My husband has NEVER raised a hand to me and I do not condone those types of behavior by any means. I use the term in jest and he knows what I mean when I ask for this treatment. It's just me being dramatic. He does spank sometimes, but that is a completely different post altogether. ;)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Follie Check Numero Uno
Happy Tuesday! I'm back from Florida and burnt to a crisp. I like it. I like it a lot. Happy to be back home and have so many exciting things coming up! Gonna be PUPO in a little over a week. It's crazy - all this waiting and then everything happens so quickly!
I had my first follie check this morning and according to Dr. Awesome RE, I am responding perfectly. I have 14 measurable follies. Eight in right and 6 in my left. They range from 6.2mm to 10.8mm. I am waiting to hear the results of my E2 to see if I need to change up my dosage on my medicines. So far, stimming has been okay. My belly looks like a pin cushion and I have this lovely Lupron bruise to contend with (i.e. try to inject around):
Follistim is very gentle. Menopur burns. I'm as hormonal as ever. Lucky DH. This morning I asked him if he had remembered to request off work for Monday. (My ER is scheduled for that day.) He responds with, "For what?" Needless to say, my head spun three times and pea soup went flying. Really? You can't remember what's going on next week? I can see if it were just a procedure how it might slip his mind, but OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE CONCEIVED THAT DAY. Please remember if only for that reason.
Am I crazy to get upset over that?
If your answer is yes, please don't answer.
I had my first follie check this morning and according to Dr. Awesome RE, I am responding perfectly. I have 14 measurable follies. Eight in right and 6 in my left. They range from 6.2mm to 10.8mm. I am waiting to hear the results of my E2 to see if I need to change up my dosage on my medicines. So far, stimming has been okay. My belly looks like a pin cushion and I have this lovely Lupron bruise to contend with (i.e. try to inject around):
Follistim is very gentle. Menopur burns. I'm as hormonal as ever. Lucky DH. This morning I asked him if he had remembered to request off work for Monday. (My ER is scheduled for that day.) He responds with, "For what?" Needless to say, my head spun three times and pea soup went flying. Really? You can't remember what's going on next week? I can see if it were just a procedure how it might slip his mind, but OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE CONCEIVED THAT DAY. Please remember if only for that reason.
Am I crazy to get upset over that?
If your answer is yes, please don't answer.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Follistim Cocktail with an Umbrella?
So, I just got back from visiting a friend from home and was a terrible ICLWer and only posted once in the last week. Now would probably be a good time to say that I am leaving....AGAIN. I'm meeting a friend in West Palm Beach for a few days! Sunshine, girl talk, fruity non-alcoholic drinks (for me at least) is just what I believe is needed to kick off my week of stims. I'm leaving in a little while and will be there tonight! I'll be back late Monday night (just a quick trip) and will be checking back in with everyone after my follie check Tuesday morning. I hope everything is progressing perfectly. Why wouldn't it be? Sunshine makes your follies grow, right? :)
If I usually comment on your blog, but haven't lately, please know that I am still reading what is going on with you even if it is on my phone sitting in the airport terminal. I have been an absentee commentor and for that, I'm sorry. Once I get back from this trip and go through ER/ET I will be all up in your blogs to an extent where I will most likely annoy you. That's a promise!
Have a great weekend!!
If I usually comment on your blog, but haven't lately, please know that I am still reading what is going on with you even if it is on my phone sitting in the airport terminal. I have been an absentee commentor and for that, I'm sorry. Once I get back from this trip and go through ER/ET I will be all up in your blogs to an extent where I will most likely annoy you. That's a promise!
Have a great weekend!!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I Am Still Alive
After not posting for over a week, I want to let you all know that I am alive and well. I was a terrible ICLWer and am so ashamed of my shoddy performance when it came to commenting and responding back to my commentors blogs. *hangs head in shame*
I went back east this past Saturday through Tuesday and lent some support to my friend whose dad is dying. He is still hanging on and is getting moved to Hospice tomorrow. For his sake, I pray he goes quickly. The man has fought hard for two years. He deserves some peace. The whole trip has left me feeling a little disconnected from my IVF cycle. I am still trucking through my Lupron and my Lupron induced AF showed on Sunday (Yikes! Holy bleed-a-thon!) but I feel so distracted at this point in the game, I find myself thinking about cancer and caskets instead of nursery colors and baby names. Talk about a 180, huh?
Yesterday, I had my suppression check and everything is great. My lining was thin (really doc, I've been bleeding like a stuck hog for days, I kinda knew that already), ovaries are looking good with no cysts, and my estrogen is 38 (anything below 50 is good). I am officially suppressed. Which means only one thing:
Follistim and Menopur, here I come!!!!!!
I went back east this past Saturday through Tuesday and lent some support to my friend whose dad is dying. He is still hanging on and is getting moved to Hospice tomorrow. For his sake, I pray he goes quickly. The man has fought hard for two years. He deserves some peace. The whole trip has left me feeling a little disconnected from my IVF cycle. I am still trucking through my Lupron and my Lupron induced AF showed on Sunday (Yikes! Holy bleed-a-thon!) but I feel so distracted at this point in the game, I find myself thinking about cancer and caskets instead of nursery colors and baby names. Talk about a 180, huh?
Yesterday, I had my suppression check and everything is great. My lining was thin (really doc, I've been bleeding like a stuck hog for days, I kinda knew that already), ovaries are looking good with no cysts, and my estrogen is 38 (anything below 50 is good). I am officially suppressed. Which means only one thing:
Follistim and Menopur, here I come!!!!!!
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